June 1, 2015

Finest Hour 107, Summer 2000

Page 12

LANSDOWNE, VIRGINIA, APRIL 1ST— A particularly repulsive piece of Churchilliana was presented to the winner of The Churchill Centers Dubious Achievement Competition at our recent Strategic Planning Session (which really did produce some usefiil conclusions, which will be reported in due course to the stockholders). Iowa circuit court judge the Hon. Douglas Russell was asked to weigh the scores of Governors participating. His verdict, declared on April Fools Day, reads as follows:

11th. Chuck Platt stated at one point, “I was without excess…” but quickly corrected himself, saving himself from higher level competitions.

10th. Nigel Knocker said nothing competitively phrased but earned honorable mention for the memorable, “You’re absolutely on your chin strap.”

9th. Craig Horn made the interesting grocery store analogy of the supermarket vs. the convenience shop but failed to mention the Mom & Pop grocery which occasionally we resemble. His second entry was the Gun Analogy, comparing “the shotgun to the rifle approach.” Unfortunately, he omitted the flyswatter vs. sledge hammer cliche, which is essential for a championship entry at this level of play.

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8th. John Plumpton was marked for “Radio America grew up overnight in the last 2-3 years,” and made a military analogy comparing “Montgomery’s broad front to Patton’s armoured thrust.” Failing, however, to cite the SAS lightning commando strike or the global strategy of Gen. Marshall, he was out of die running. He did make the interesting observation, “The back end can be very protective too,” but it was unclear whether he referred to his retirement or his anatomy.

7th. Kim Gordon (our facilitator) was notable in her most interesting use of English. Her inability to pronounce the word “out” (she says “oot”) is reminiscent of Mr. Plumpton’s inability to pronounce the word “again” (he says “a-gane”).

6th. David Boler was complimented for his “Money, money, money,” bringing British phraseology to the American counterpart, “Show me the money.”

5th. Randy Barber made interesting twin references to our group’s goals: 1. “penetrate centres of learning” and 2. “propagate centres of interest”—both, we suppose, intended in some way to perpetuate the species.

4th. Bill Ives was notable for “achieve maximum outreach” and “break the moulds,” both in contradiction of the more traditional and passive maxim, “endeavor to persevere.” He also raised eyebrows with the suggestion that The Churchill Center be headquarted in Aledo, Illinois, in cooperation with the Mississippi Lock & Dam #17 Association.

3rd. Richard Langworth was a strong competitor for his concise statement concerning potential Churchill Center locations: “Things are a bit bigger in Washington than they are in Chicago.”

2nd. Two worthy contributions are unattributed: “Horses for Courses,” a melodic phrase with no apparent meaning, and “Find a Sugar-Person,” a totally unnecessary bow to Political Correctness.

1st. In the end, first prize had to go to the esteemed Randy Barber, with his strongest entry among several: “The Chesterton Maxim: Great men take up great space, even when they’re gone.” (Referring of course to WSC).